What is a man? What is manhood?

What is a man?  What is manhood?

 I am usually flooded with answers when I ask friends to respond to questions on facebook.  However, when I asked for input about how people would define a man and manhood, I had only a few responses.  This subject of defining what it means to be a man can be intimidating, but I offer my thoughts as a work in progress.

1.         A variety of characteristics come to mind when attempting to define ‘what is a man.’ A man could be defined by his XY chromosomes and appropriate genitalia, but a penis does not a man make.  “ Being a man is more complex than mere anatomy,” (Tragos, 2009, pp. 543-544).   A man should be defined by his love for the Lord, the strength of his convictions, the depth of his character,  and his ability to give and receive love.  As an aside, I want to acknowledge that many of the characteristics that define a Godly man, also define a Godly woman, but for the purpose of this entry I will focus on men.

2.         Manhood requires men to put away childish things and pursue Godly wisdom. 1 Corinthians 13:11  states, “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things” (NASB).  A man has a teachable heart and embraces wisdom wherever he finds it.  For example, William Deresiewicz found wisdom in Jane Austen’s writings.  Although she is one of the enduring queens of chick lit, Austen’s works removed the scales from Deresiewicz’s eyes about his sense of self importance and his abhorrence of admitting his mistakes.  A workable definition of manhood will have to address the issue of humility. Indeed, “Real men were not afraid to admit that they still had things to learn—even from a woman” ("The Wall Street," 2011).

3.         Men have a sense of humility; they understand that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, but they are also able to acknowledge that all people are created in the image of God.   Murphy (2005) challenges men to “respect that of God in everyone...Listen patiently and seek the truth which other’s opinions may contain…Think it possible that you may be mistaken” (Murphy, 2005, p. 45).  Manhood requires men to respect and honor others even though they may disagree with them.  Humility also coincides with connection; “where there is sincere and open dialogue, God can become a third party shedding light where before there has been darkness or ambiguity” (Shannon, 1999, p. 148).

4.         A real man can be trusted to honor his commitments and to keep his promises. His family and his employer can be assured that his yes means yes and his no means no.   Additionally, Ephesians 4:25  admonishes men to put aside lies and  speak truthfully to one another. In particular he tries to live out the commandment to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).  One man stated this concept quite succinctly when he said,  "stick to  the promises you have made to women, you promised to love them and provide for them, now get your tail to work and do it" (Gallagher & Wood, 2005, p. 149). 

5.         The ability to speak truthfully to one another should flow from the realization that as believers men are members of one body.  Men understand that that manhood requires them to be connect to God and to also maintain emotional and spiritual connections to other men (Lewis, 2007, p. 2). Proverbs 11:13 states, “Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” (NASB).  Men need other men to provide support and guidance.  Pittman in Tragos (2009) states that “all men need other men for acceptance.  It is the acceptance of the other guys, the silent, unquestioning, unchallenged acceptance of shared masculinity that keeps us grounded, that keeps us sane” (p. 547). 

6.         Men have a purpose is life.  Indeed, they need gainful employment.  Circumstances sometimes do not allow a man to hold have a job, but they still must have a sense of purpose.  In order to fulfill their purpose in life, men have to also have a sense of responsibility for self and others.  Sociologist Stephen Clark believes that men are more willing to accept responsibility when“ it is clear to them that the primary responsibility for the well-being of others rests on them…and when they have been trained from an early age by the men in their lives to recognize and assume that responsibility faithfully” (Lewis, 2007, p. 55).  Consequently, another aspect of manhood is training the next generation of men.  Finally, the main purpose of a Christian man should be to carry out the Great Commission.

7.         Men are aware of their emotions and express them in ways the honor self and other.  A man is able to be angry without sinning in his anger (Ephesians 4:26).  Manhood requires men to learn to sit in the internal dissonance created between what they want for self and what they want for other.

8.  A man understands the importance of reconciliation and forgiveness in maintain emotional and relational health. Manhood requires a man to seek out the person offended (Matthew 5:23-24) and as much is it up to them to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18).   

9. Across time societies and cultures have defined men and manhood in different ways. Today in American society men are struggling to retain important aspects of their masculinity in a more feminized culture (Lewis, 2007, forward).  Faludi in Tragos (2009) contends that the characteristics that defined manhood in the past, such as stoicism, integrity, reliability, the desire to protect and provide, and sacrifice, have been eclipsed by an emphasis on manhood as defined appearance and behavior, such as attractiveness and aggression (p. 552).  I would argue that a man becomes more authentic when he allows Jesus’ example to guide his behavior.  A man should be not be swayed the shifting sands of culture any more than he is by the waves of doctrine.  Men today are supposed to be both strong and sensitive; some see the addition of sensitivity to be a step in the evolution of manhood, while others reject sensitivity.  A quick glance at the beatitudes shows us that Jesus embodied and taught both strength and sensitivity.  

10.  I would posit that a man is able to affirm his partner’s beauty and act to meet her need to be pursued, while at the same time viewing her as his equal.  John Eldedge in Wild at Heart defines masculinity as “inherently strong, adventurous, risk taking and brave” (Gallagher & Wood, 2005p. 147).  Apparently, men can choose between Mr. Rogers or Braveheart styles of masculinity, but perhaps the definition of manhood embraces both of these aspects of manhood.  Perhaps the true measure of a man is his ability to use wisdom in the moment; some moments in life call for “I like you just the way you are” and others call for “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!” 

References

Gallagher, S., & Wood, S. (2005). Godly manhood going wild? : Transformations in conservative Protestant masculinity. Sociology of Religion, 66(3), 135-160. Retrieved May 24, 2012, from Ebsco Host Web site: web.ebscohost.com

How Jane Austen taught me to be a man. (2011, May 13). The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved May 25, 2012, from The Wall Street Journal Web site: onlinewsj.com

Lewis, R. (2007). Raising a modern-day knight: A father's role in guiding his son to authentic manhood. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Murphy, N. (2005). Theological resources for integration. In A. Dueck & C. Lee (Eds.), Why psychology needs theology (pp. 28-53). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Shannon, W. H. (1999). Anselm: The joy of faith. New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company.

Tragos, P. (2009). Monster masculinity: Honey, I'll be in the garage reasserting my manhood. Journal of Popular Culture, 42(3), 541-553. Retrieved May 24, 2012, from Ebsco Host Web site: web.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=19&hid+f8f17d16-3eld-46b8-88a3-eb8adf55eedd%40sessionmgr104