Tell Your Story – Session Two
I. Bible
Study Quirks
Did
you recognize yourself or someone you know in one of these characters?
A. Winomena Windbag – just talks to hear herself
talk.
Defensive Speaking - often this barrage of words is a shield, a defense mechanism to hide the true self.
What
if you had an experience with the author and perfector of your faith that
allowed you to embrace your story?
B. Viola Verbal Vomiter- pours out all the
gritty details of her life to anyone
You
desperately need to be heard in a way that brings healing to your soul, but
instead your action pushes others away leaving you alone with your pain
unresolved and your story heard by the ears, but your words were not followed
down to your heart.
What
if you had an experience with the author and perfector of your faith that
allowed you to experience healing in your story?
C. Stella Stone Waller – we can’t get close to
her, she is all ears and no mouth
Your
defensive listening keeps you protected and safe, but the other cannot get close to you, cannot get to know you.
What
if you had an experience with the author and perfector of your faith that
allowed you boldly speak your story?
D. Bertha
Bigger and Better – experiences are better or worse than everyone’s.
You see most
interactions in life as a competition
Sometimes
your need for attention seems to be the loudest demand in your soul
What
if you had an experience with the author and perfector of your faith that allowed
you to see your story as whole and complete in Him?
II.Choosing a listener to hear your
story
Pick
someone who is trustworthy
Ask
if they are willing to listen to your story in order to bring healing to your soul.
Clarify
what you need from them.
Sometimes
the villains in our stories have so twisted our understanding of relationship
that we need to consider working with a Christian therapist to begin the
process of healing.
~Point
to ponder~ Who do you trust to listen to your story?
A. Healing for Self
Sharing your story promotes healing for self
You
have value because you are created in the image of God
Voice,
power and relationship were shattered by the fall
1.
Healing of Voice
From
the beginning of time that God desired to communicate.
Genesis…”God
said” over and over again.
Jesus
also called the Word suggests that self-expression is inherent in the
Godhead.
Indwelling
Holy Spirit is in constant communication with God and prays in groanings deeper
than words.
26
In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to
pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too
deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the
Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27 NASB
Diane
Langberg states, “Voice is that which articulates personhood. It is the exact
representation of the person. It is the
person speaking … herself into the world.
Voice explains the person to others in terms that can be
understood. Voice is an extension of
self.”
~Points
to ponder~ What do you need to bring to
voice about your story? Could you be
brave and make a note of it at the approximate place on your timeline? You can
use a code word that no one else will understand.
2.
Healing of Relationship
Relationship
involves reciprocal knowing and reciprocal loving.
Jesus was both known and loved by God.
You were created for relationship.
Telling
your story opens you up to the possibility of connecting on a soul level and
developing relationship
~Points
to ponder~ Was there a place in your story where your understanding of
relationship was twisted away from God’s intentions for human
relationships? Consider marking this on
your time line. Again, choose a code
word if that will allow you to acknowledge a fracturing of relationship.
C.
Healing of power
God
gave us power to influence people and events
~Points
to ponder~ Can you recall a time when
you felt powerless? Perhaps you could
make a note of this on your timeline with a code word if necessary.
Telling your story can restore
voice, power and relationship
Telling
your story can free you from a web of lies and allow you to see your story
through God’s eyes.
God
does not expect you to do the impossible and go back in time to correct your
ungodly mistakes
He
only asks you to bring all of your mistakes to Him and He will show you grace
~Points
to ponder~ Sometime soon, read the
following verses aloud to yourself.
Before reading them aloud, consider praying and asking God to use these
words to speak to your heart and help you to believe them in a new and deeper
way. When you are done, you may want to
write down what He reveals to you about Himself or you.
Psalm
103:8-17 MSG (my paraphrase)
God
is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, He’s rich in love for me.
He
doesn’t endlessly nag and scold me,
nor hold grudges against me forever.
He
doesn’t treat me as my sins deserve,
nor pay me
back in full for my wrongs.
As
high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is His love for me.
And
as far as sunrise is from sunset,
He has separated me from my sins.
As
parents feel for their children,
God feels for me.
He
knows me inside and out,
keeps in mind that I’m made of mud.
…
God’s
love…is ever and always,
eternally present to me
B. What do I put in my story for self?
As
we do this section, you may feel a variety of memories and feelings vying for
your attention, jot them down on your timeline and try to continue to listen
and stay present with us.
If
you have particularly traumatic memories that will re-traumatize you, please do
not go into those memories alone and vulnerable.
I
suggest that you ask God to help you to decide what to put in your story.
Why
explore the past?
To
uncover the lies you were taught and may still be whispering to your soul.
Let's look at the time line suggestions together.
The
next step in this process of telling your story is figuring out how you feel
about the chapters in your story.
God
already knows exactly how you feel about Him and the events that occured in life, He is simply waiting for you to
acknowledge the truth so He can use that truth to heal you.
~Points
to ponder~ On your time line, write the events and memories that God brings to
mind.
C. HEALING FOR OTHERS
A
caution - We need to be mindful of how we use our stories to glorify God.
A
twisted theology or a weak understanding of who God is can cause a little one
to stumble.
Be
prepared to speak, but also know that if God is going to use your story to
encourage or even admonish someone, the Holy Spirit will show up and help you
to speak in that moment
3therefore
all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds;
for they say things and do not do them. 4 They tie up heavy burdens and lay
them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so
much as a finger. Matthew 23:3-4
1. The purpose of the Christian life is to form
us in Christ’s character.
Hearing
your story allows the listener to see God at work today, and shows them there
is hope and the chance to make choices that are different
2. Our interactions with others should allow
them to see the evidence of our relationship with Him.
Redemption
and restoration are always possible when a relationship with others involves
God’s Spirit.
3. The world needs your story; we are less than
we could be by knowing you
People’s
lives are changed by stories. The stories they hear and the stories they tell
themselves.
Love
that Jesus spoke in stories
Excavating memories to find the
good
The
brain is wired to remember negative things. Like Velcro
At some point, you have to go back
through your story and look for the highlight the good things. Sometimes it may
require excavation
V. A final thought to ponder
This poem, written by Lauren Unger was found in Friends Journal
This poem, written by Lauren Unger was found in Friends Journal
Would you be
Someone for my soul to talk to...
An enfolding silence drawing me to speak
Of the lives that I have dreamt,
But never thought of living?
Could you listen me into speech
So I may come to know by speaking
That which lies inside me?
Could you try to see me as God might see me,
With caring look upon my love and faults
To watch unfold the person I become
To see and know but
not to blame?
Time Line
Suggestions for Exploring Your Story
Many
memories may come to mind as you work on your time line; go ahead and jot them
down briefly. When you have finished,
consider going back over your timeline and marking those events/occasions that
were important to your spiritual development.
Consider placing the positive memories above the time line and the
negative memories below the time line.
1. First memory
2. Formative events
as a preschooler, elementary school student, high school student, young
adulthood, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, etc.
3. When did you realized
that you didn’t believe in God, or didn’t want to serve Him?
4. What events
pointed you in the direction of God?
5. Where, when and
why did you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
6. Events that show
how God started changing your life
7. Events that
highlight the difference between whom you were before and who you are now that
you are saved.
8. Events that
allowed you to embrace your story.
9. Events that
allowed you to experience healing in your story.
10. First time you
shared your story as a way to bring an experience with God’s love into someone
else’s life as an act of healing.
11. When did you
realize that you are whole and complete in the Lord; that He not only gives you
eternal life, but also gives you everything you need for Godly living?
Session Three - Learning
How to Listen
Being listened to is so closed to being
loved that most people cannot tell the difference.”
David Augsberg
As
Christians our ability to listen to others flows out of our ability to listen
to God
I. Listen to God
Becoming
a good listener begins with learning to listen to God
You
grow in God by listening to His Word and following the Holy Spirit in your
life.
Talk
to God in prayer, but then listen for His Answer.
You
may be uncomfortable at first with the silence, but silence is a necessary part
of the dialogue with God
As
you learn to listen to God in prayer and invite Him to speak into your life,
you will begin to feel a change in your soul, a shifting, some describe it as
joy or peace as you grow in understanding of His love.
II.
Study Jesus to learn how to listen one another into a new, true story
3
The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having
set her in the center of the court, 4 they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman
has been caught in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now in the Law Moses commanded
us to stone such women; what then do You say?” 6 They were saying this, testing
Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down
and with His finger wrote on the ground. 7 But when they persisted in asking
Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you,
let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”8 Again He stooped down and wrote
on the ground. 9 When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning
with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in
the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where
are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said,
“I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
John
8:3-11 NASB
What can you
learn from these verses?
1. The importance of back story - The Pharisees had to have known about the affair in order to have been able to
trap her to bring her to Jesus.
2. The importance of knowing God's word - Jesus knows that the law of Moses commands
the stoning of both the man and the woman involved
Lev
20:10 If there is a man who commits adultery
with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the
adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death
Deut
22:22-24 If a man is found lying with a
married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and
the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Israel.
3. Not every question deserves and an answer.
4. Instead of answering, Jesus writes on the
ground to demonstrate His understanding and knowledge of written laws and their
interpretations.
Jeremiah
17:13 says, “O Lord, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake you shall be put to shame; those who turn away from you shall
be written in the earth, for they have forsaken the Lord, the fountain of
living water.”
5.
Jesus helps this woman by restoring her voice, power and relationship
Jesus
and the woman caught in adultery proves that " For God did not
send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be
saved through Him." John 3:17 NASB
Evangelism
means listening as well as talking
B. Jesus and the woman who touched His robe
–Creating space for the other to be healed and heard
We
know that for 12 years this woman would have been unclean, untouched, now poor
in her desperation for healing; wanted so desperately to be healed that she risked touching Him.
Then
Jesus, present at the beginning of time, created a space for the woman’s voice
to be heard
43
And a woman who had a hemorrhage for twelve years, and could not be healed by
anyone, 44 came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak, and
immediately her hemorrhage stopped. 45 And Jesus said, “Who is the one who touched Me?” And
while they were all denying it, Peter said, “Master, the people are
crowding and pressing in on You.” 46 But Jesus said, “Someone did touch Me, for I was aware that power had gone out of Me.”
47 When the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came trembling and
fell down before Him, and declared in the
presence of all the people the reason why she had touched Him, and how she
had been immediately healed. 48 And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has
made you well; go in peace.” Luke
8:43-48 NASB (See also Mark
5:25-34)
Jesus
asked questions to create space to allow the other to be heard and then
waited.
Silence
creates space for another’s voice to enter the space between.
Jesus
in this moment restored His precious daughter’s voice, power and relationship
by listening and acknowledging this woman.
III. Listen with the intention of creating space
for others to experience God’s love.
Our deepest
human need is to know God and be known by Him, but we also have a need to be
known by others and to know them
30
and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your
soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is
this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment
greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 NASB
Our
love for our neighbors should naturally spill over from our love for God.
IV. Listening is a skill that can be developed
with regular practice
As Quaker author Douglas Steere puts it: “”To
“listen” another’s soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be
almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another.”
When
two people listen deeply to one another, we sense that we are present not only
to each other, but also to God.
~Thoughts
to ponder - Our acceptance of others must flow from God through us~
How is your walk with God? Are you tied in
and connected with God and His love? Are you willing and able to share that
love with others?
A. Listening is a choice
Be
up front if you are unable or unwilling to listen to someone else’s story
B. Defensive listening does not allow the other
to know you, and she will often be unwilling to share her story with you.
IV. The
Listening Process
A. Make sure you understand the type of
conversation in which you are being invited to participate
Types
of conversation
1. Chit chat
2. Informational
3. Wanting advice – the other wants to tell her
story and wants your feedback, or as she listens to her words she is able to
arrive at her own conclusions
4. Wanting
to be heard - Just be with me while I share my story.
Help
me hold my story in the space between us.
B. Stop talking
Job’s
friends only really got into trouble once they opened their mouths
11
made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. 12
When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they
raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw
dust over their heads toward the sky. 13 Then they sat down on the ground with
him for seven days and seven nights with no
one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. Job 2:11-13
Job 4:1 Then Eliphaz the Temanite [answered,
2
“If one ventures a word with you, will you become impatient?
But who can refrain from speaking?
Job
6 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Job’s
Friends Are No Help
6:1
Then Job answered,
7:11
“Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;
I
will speak in the anguish of my spirit,
I
will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
God
already knows the about the feelings like anger that we try to hide.
We
rush in with words too often like Jobs friends.
We
think we have the answers and all we do is hurt with our words.
C. Focus on the
speaker
Use
your body language to convey that you are listening - nodding, facial
expressions.
Use
your eyes to convey love and acceptance
D. Take the time needed to listen well.
a. Let the
person tell her story her way;
There
are different types of story tellers
1. Linear – time line story tellers
2. Mosaic – picking flowers for a bouquet story
tellers
3. Run the rimmers - they have to speak on
surface things first and then work their way deeper
E. Listen ‘as if you may be wrong’
Try
to imagine yourself following her words down into her heart, to see what she is
trying to convey to you
You
want to be open, curious, and attentive to others in such a way that at the end
of the conversation they have fully expressed themselves and feel more alive.
You
do not have to agree with what you hear, or even believe it, to listen to try
to understand the other person.
F. Remember as you listen that people are sometimes
afraid that their sins cannot be forgiven, that somehow real change is not
possible.
This
denies the gospel
You
want to help others to realize and use/avail themselves of the resources of
God’s grace, and then connect with the courage of faith
The
outpouring of God’s love and acceptance through us begins to open up the
possibility of a new story; the true story
She
can then begin to live as if He has already given her in Christ, everything she
needs- not just eternal life, but for godly living in this fallen world!
5-9
So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing
your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert
discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and
generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With
these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your
feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of
our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before
you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books. 2 Peter 1:5-9 MSG
The
gospel is not only the forgiveness of sins, but a new quality of life that
overcomes the power of sin
VI. At some point listening well may require you
to speak.
James1:19
Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow
up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.MSG
A. Allow the person who is speaking time to
complete their thought, wait a few seconds before responding.
Pause
to reflect on what was said before speaking
B. Remain calm.
When listening to someone’s story you may feel emotional.
C. Ask for clarification. If you do not
understand what someone is saying, just ask.
Never
assume you know what the other person means
Jesus
did the same thing, after explaining the parable of the sower to His disciples
and explaining the great value of eternal life with God, He asks in Matt 13:51
“Have you understood all these things?”
They said to Him, “Yes.”
C. Balance truth and grace; consider the type of
conversation in which you were engaged
Suggested
exercises to develop your listening skills
1. Review the suggestions from this
session. After the conference my
complete notes will be available online at
http://daenalongenecker.blogspot.com/
2.
Silence: spend at least a minute each day in silence. Listen for the Holy Spirit.
Remember
that dialogue only truly happens when we make space for the other to talk.
When
we practice listening as a spiritual discipline, we are prepared when needed to listen deeply
3. In conversation actively choose to listen and
give the gift of listening to someone else.
What
do you notice? What was it like?
4. Actively choose to not listen. What do you notice?
5. Notice what happens when you start to
interrupt someone and what happens when you don’t. What do you notice?
6. Notice what happens when someone stops
speaking and you ask, “Is there anything else?”
What do you notice?
7. Notice what happens when you let go of your
own agenda to be present with another.
What do you notice?
8. Read through Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and
note when and how Jesus listened to others.
Turning from suicide
Lacy Sturm, a Christian singer, shares her story of redemption when the God of the Universe showed up.
Link to Lacey Sturm Testimony - Video
Link to Lacey Sturm Testimony - Written Article
Resources for Learning to Listen to God
Article "Learning to Listen to God"
Resources
Conformed by His Image: Biblical and Practical Approaches to Spiritual Formation By Kenneth Boa
Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Diane Mandt Langberg, PH. D.
The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery by David G. Benner
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Soul Talk: The Language God Longs for Us to Speak by Larry Crab
War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles by Paul David Tripp (Chapter 13)
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